Invisible
by BoxOfTrinkets
Summary: When Carly leaves, its as though she took Freddie with her, leaving Sam to watch as she faded into the background without a word of objection.


It was torture.

Pure, unfiltered and raw torture.

She had no other way to describe it, the burning, stinging and just pain that shot through her and had remained for the last two months, ever since she watched her best friend walk out of her life.

Right after kissing the center of her universe right in front of her.

She didn't hate Carly for it. Or blame her. She knew Carly wanted him just as bad as she always had, and that she had refrained from touching because she loved Sam and wanted her happy. Ever the selfless martyr, Carly. And Sam wasn't upset, because in Carly's place, she would have done the same. Taken the last thing she could from the boy she loved in the last seconds she had of his presence.

And she understood. She really did.

She could only imagine how hard it was for Carly, considering how hard it was for her. She knew about Freddie, about how he was too much, too much for her, too much for Carly, too much for himself even. He had no idea how he affected people, how he affected the two most important women in his life. How what he saw as only undying platonic love and devoted friendship and the never failing shoulder to cry on only forced herself and Carly deeper and deeper into the hell that was loving him. And she knew Carly was right in that hell with her. Saw it in the desperation with which Carly had held his face as she kissed him, in the pain in her eyes that was saved for the brown eyes Sam loved as she said her goodbyes. Sam understood. And she knew. It had always been Carly and Freddie. Carly who had kept Freddie around when Sam made it her life's mission to torture him, Freddie who helpless followed Carly around, snared in her trap, completely unaware that she was just as tangled in his. It had always been the two of them.

And Sam knew this.

And it was this knowledge, this universal fact that she had carried with her since the first time she had seen them interact with each other, that kept her from collapsing onto herself, from swallowing the lump in her throat and screaming out her pain when she watched as Freddie kissed her back.

It was beautiful, really. Carly was beautiful, with her shining dark hair, large dark eyes and her personality that Sam wouldn't hesitate to admit she was in love with if asked. Freddie was beautiful, every inch of him radiated with something that physically hurt Sam when she focused too hard on it, with his slanted dark eyes that matched Carly's so well and his soft, soft hair that she still found her fingers itching for. They were perfect together, and in that moment they kissed goodbye, their beauty and sadness melding together into what Sam could only describe as perfection shone so bright Sam couldn't watch, could only turn away and sink into the wall with the hopes of blending into the wallpaper and becoming as invisible as she felt in that moment, faced with perfection incarnate.

The distant, airy feeling of invisibility that had graced her in that moment never lifted from her, a soft blanket of protection she came to cherish as the hours turned into days turned into weeks after Carly left, and her cell phone slowly grew silent with the decreasing texts from Carly. She strangely didn't miss Carly, she didn't find her heart heavy with loss or her head clouded with pain as she drifted through the weeks, the hours as though lost in a cloud, unable to see and unable to be seen.

She didn't miss Carly because Carly was still here.

She could still hear her voice in every chime of Freddie's phone as she text-ed him, could see her every time Freddie would sigh, completely oblivious to her presence and his eyes would take on a faraway look, as though they traveled the miles between them to glimpse her again, could smell her body spray every time she would meet Freddie in the studio to help him finish packing up.

She and Freddie hardly spoke. She wasn't sure who's fault it was, she only knew that it was no longer her place.

And it burned.

It hurt, to watch him as he seemed to drift through himself, quieter now, his radiance dulled somewhat by the loss of the person who completed his perfection. His eyes never lingered on hers anymore, and any tenderness that they once held for her was gone, replaced by a heavy sadness that she couldn't, wouldn't handle and she soon found herself forgetting the dark chocolate shade of his eyes when she refused to meet them anymore.

He was always around, but always so far.

They both couldn't find it in them to stop appearing at Carly's apartment, couldn't find it in themselves to leave Spencer, and they would more often than not find themselves on opposite ends of the couch, watching the television that wasn't on, lost in their own thoughts. Eventually Sam would get up and leave, not saying goodbye, or waving or anything, simply standing and walking in front of him and out the door, knowing that his glazed eyes would not see her and simply continue to stare into space that was no longer occupied.

She hated the pain, but welcomed it nonetheless, let it fill her and reassure her that she was still real, and hadn't in fact faded into invisible nothingness like she felt every time they sat together on the same couch or on opposite ends of the slowly emptying studio and his eyes stared through her, or she screamed and cried to tell him that she wasn't the perfection he craved but she was still here, and the room would remain silent and he wouldn't move.

And so she remained, lost in her own personal hell as she sat cross legged on the hood of the old car prop as Freddie leaned against the elevator doors, his eyes in her direction but intently focused on the wall behind her as she remained at the impasse they had been dancing in for two months, Carly floating around the room with perfection and taunting them both, shoving in their faces exactly what they wanted but couldn't have.

It wasn't until Freddie's phone rang with the personalized ringtone that Sam had learned to hate, the ringtone that turned her slightly more and more transparent each time it chimed from Freddie's pocket. And Freddie's eyes returned to the present and he blinked, lost for a second and pulled the phone out, looking down at the name Sam was surprised he didn't know and felt her heart break further as his face became alive again.

It wasn't until she realized that it wasn't alive with happiness that she froze, halfway through sliding off the hood of the car and she realized he wasn't looking at the phone anymore even as her song vibrated through the air heavy with memories and unsaid words and she realized, for the first time in months that he was looking directly at her.

And she was terrified.

She found she no longer knew how to interact with this person whom she still inexplicably loved more than oxygen and she simply stared, stared as the phone tumbled from his grip and clattered loudly to the floor, breaking the silence in a way Carly hadn't and her throat closed up, suddenly full of the air and the heady scent of Freddie that she was surprised she remembered as he stopped a foot in front of her and simply stared.

Sam watched him as though she was watching from aside, watching them watch each other. Freddie's hands were curled into fists at his side, his chest slightly heaving with something Sam didn't know and his eyes, those beautiful orbs Sam used to lose herself in but hadn't seen in what felt like a life time but she still refused to meet looking at her, actually looking at her like she was solid and she was simply frozen, her hands curled loosely at her sides, her gaze locked firmly on his collarbone and her mouth closed, silent and invisible like the ghost she had turned into.

It wasn't until she heard something that she snapped back to reality, something she hadn't heard in years and something she hadn't realized she missed so much and something that simultaneously ripped her heart to shreds and set her insides alight with elation she was sure she had no longer been capable of.

_"Sam_."

A strangled whisper of her name, sounding as though it was being torn from his lips, an ugly garbled sound that dropped from him like a stone, weighed down with pain and suffering and heavily laced with a desperation that shook her. It was only then that she, rough and raw and bleeding from the force of her name yanked from him that she allowed herself to look up and meet his eyes, eyes that made her want to scream again but only managed to tear a tiny gasp from her. His eyes held all the pain she had seen in the last two months, the same pain as when he let go of Carly in front of the elevator, but this time directed at her, directly at her as he stared at her and saw her for the first time.

And Sam was lost.

So lost she didn't catch it as he took a shaking step forward, nearly scaring her as she took a hasty step back, desperately trying to re blend in with the back ground as he approached her, her step only making his face break with grief and she nearly had a heart attack as he took another step forward, reaching out to her and grasping her arms and she nearly lost it again.

His hands were almost unbearably hot as they held her shaking arms, gripping her so tight she was waiting for them to simply faze through her and she held his gaze, glazing over with tears and the pain was back, licking through her and she wished she could bring herself to touch him, to pull him closer to her and not let him go again, but couldn't bring herself to. Instead she dropped her gaze, focusing again on his collarbone and earning what sounds like a sob as Freddie's hands tear from her shoulders and grab her face, bringing her close and knocking their foreheads together and Sam is shocked at how solid she suddenly is.

"_Please Sam._" Another strangled sentence spat out through gritted teeth and she is forced to meet his eyes again, the fire emitting from him threatening to burn her alive as she watched him fall apart in front of her. "_Come back_."

She didn't know what he meant, she didn't have time to think about it before he was pulling her closer and he kisses her, his mouth as hot and heavy and demanding as he is and the world tilts slightly on its axis before righting again and she can feel her limbs become solid again as she reaches for him, finally, thrilled when she doesn't pass through him and her hands meet his body and he sobs brokenly in the back of his throat as his mouth opens over hers and he consumes her, the fire finally burning through her and for the first time in what seems like eternity she is whole and alive again.

He pulls back, and rests his forehead against hers, his hands still cradling her face and his eyes boring deep into hers, and the pain and searing inside her is soothed, because she is no longer invisible.


End file.
